Steps To Dealing With Visitation Disasters

Have you ever been on a pastoral visit with someone and the visit went bad? Perhaps a negative issue about the church came up or maybe some personal issue between the person making the visit and the person being visited rises to the surface. When a visit turns negative, we should be ready to navigate through the situation so we can steer people back toward positive thinking. If a visit does turn into a disaster, here are some steps to follow in order to make the best of a bad situation:

1. Stay as calm as possible. Remember, the Holy Spirit knew this situation would happen and yet He sent us on the visit anyway. Trust the Holy Spirit for wisdom to get through the situation.

2. Make a written record of what happened as soon as possible while we still remember the details. Though it is possible we will never show this record to anyone else, writing it down will help us sort it out in our own minds. In the unlikely event we need to remember the exact details at some point in the future, we will be glad we have this written record.

3. Talk to the appropriate church leadership to apprise them of the situation. They are most likely going to hear about it eventually anyway, so get the awkward conversation out of the way as soon as possible. The leaders will respect us more for being up front instead of trying to hide what happened.

4. Be prepared to admit, and correct, any part we played in creating the negative situation. Even if we are only partially at fault, we should be willing to admit to that part. If we are the primary cause of the negative situation, we must be willing to admit that as well.

5. Pray for the grace and mercy of God to be active in the situation. Many times prayer changes the situation. When prayer is involved, disasters do not seem as dark as they did when they first happened. Often the Lord begins to calm everyone’s nerves as time passes.

6. Make a follow up contact in a timely way to help remove relational barriers. Be honest and tell the person we are sorry the situation turned out the way it did. Try to reach out and show kindness to them. Even if they are unwilling to accept the apology or kindness at the present moment, in time, they may have a change of heart and we want to have already done our part to resolve the situation.

No one likes a visit that turns negative. But the reality is that it is impossible to keep every visit positive. Even in less than positive situations, it is possible to have a positive long term outcomes. Following the steps above is one way to navigate the path back to a positive position after a difficult visit.

This is an excerpt from the book, Developing Leadership Teams in the Bivocational Church,

published by CrossBooks, a division of Lifeway. The book contains six easy to use lessons to help empower the laity to assist their pastor in serving the needs of the congregation.

Steps to Avoid a Visitation Disaster

When people are going through difficult times, they often appreciate a visit from a pastor, deacon or Christian friend that offers prayer and support. There are some practical things that a lay person can do to help those visits go better.  Unfortunately, no matter how much a pastor or lay person prepares for a visit to a member of the congregation and no matter how experienced a pastor or lay person may be at making such visits, eventually a visit will go poorly. Hopefully, this will not happen often, but it will happen from time to time. How the pastor or lay person responds in these rare, but awkward, moments will determine if the visit escalates into a disastrous situation or not. Visitation disasters take a tremendous amount of time and energy to repair relationally and spiritually, therefore they should be avoided if possible.

In order to avoid the prospect of a poor visit turning into a visitation disaster, consider these practical ideas regarding all ministry visits:

1. Pray before the visit starts. Release the power of the Spirit over the situation. There is great power in prayer before, during and after any visit, but especially in tense situations.

2. Know the situation before you go. This will keep you from walking into a situation that is already tense without being prepared. Sometimes when we are caught off guard by something, we say or do things that we would not have otherwise done. Therefore, make a phone call or ask a couple of questions before going on the visit so everyone feels comfortable with the situation.

3. Phone in advance to state the purpose of the visit so there is no confusion. This might also be done via Facebook or text message if the person being visited uses those methods of communication regularly.

4. Arrive on time. Being early or late creates tension, which sets a negative tone from the outset of the visit.

5. Refuse to be drawn into an argument or gossip session. That is never helpful in a pastoral visit. It can be challenging, especially if the person is really upset about something. But getting into an argument on a visit is a quick route to disaster.

6. Take your Bible and other appropriate literature. If the visit begins to turn negative, open the Bible and read an appropriate passage as a way to stop the flow of negativity. Just as there is power in prayer, there is also power in the Word of God. Do not be afraid to use that power, it is one of our greatest tools in ministry.

7. Take someone with you; it is rarely a good idea to visit alone. This is especially important if you are visiting the home of a person of the opposite sex or a minor. Not only does having a second person along keep everyone involved safe, it also provides an extra set of eyes and ears to be alert to things that may happen in the visit that have the potential to become negative.

8. Accept, but do not expect, hospitality, such as a cup of tea. Otherwise you might offend the person who may have planned in advance to serve something to you. This is especially true in certain cultures, so be mindful of this when visiting an ethnic group for which hospitality is a big part of their culture.

9. Introduce yourself to those present whom you do not know so that you do not come off as rude or aloof. Sometimes we falsely assume that everyone present remembers who we are and that can be awkward as the conversation unfolds and the whole time they are trying to remember our names.

10. Take care of your personal needs before the visit (bathroom, etc.).

11. Be non-judgmental in all situations, but do not imply affirmation of all things. The person being visited may share a story or say something that we find inappropriate. It is fine to re-direct the conversation, but it is not the time for a sermon on what they should or should not say or do. Remember that one purpose for a visit is to learn what is going on in people's lives. If we respond negatively to everything they say, they will quickly shut down and we will not be able to learn much. On the other hand, we do not want them to think that we agree with everything that is said in the visit. We might say something like, "Thank you for sharing your opinion on that issue, it helps me see your perspective, and since I see that issue differently, it is good for me to understand how you feel about it."

12. Know your limitations. Do not intentionally get into situations you are not equipped to handle. Capitalize on your strengths. This is why lay people should work as a team with the pastor and other church leaders. Each person is good at something, so focus on what you are good at.

This material was adapted from the book “Developing Leadership Teams in the Bivocational

Church.”

How Lay People Can Respond to Crisis Situations in the Church

In a church where the pastor works a second job in addition to the church, the pastor may not be immediately available during a crisis situation. Therefore, lay people in the church may be called upon to respond to a crisis in the congregation. Such situations often have a high level of confusion and anxiety revolving around them. There is no real time to prepare one’s thoughts on how to deal with the situation, so the lay people who respond should simply seek to bring a sense of calmness to what may be a chaotic situation.

In such situations, it is important to realize that people who feel overwhelmed with a crisis may turn to a lay person at church because they do not know who else to call. The lay person may not be the person they should have called, but once the call is made, a caring Christian should respond the best way they know how. There are some things lay people can do in advance to prepare to respond to a crisis in the congregation, such as take whatever crisis training may be available in the community. Schools, hospitals and other organizations often provide training in how to deal with issues such as domestic abuse, first aid, suicide intervention, disaster relief, sexual assault, and grief counseling. Sign up for which ever courses seem most suitable and learn as much as possible about how to deal with these issues.

When first learning of the crisis, attempt to establish a rapport with the person in crisis. A crisis makes a person feel like no one can understand why he or she is upset, which in turn makes him or her more upset. To defeat this cycle, it is important to win the person's trust. Never tell someone in crisis how to feel. Instead validate their feelings by saying something like: “I might feel that way too if I were in your situation.” Speak in a calm, even voice, which is not always easy if someone is angry or screaming. Stay focused, remember whatever training has been taken, and seek to be a source of calmness in the midst of the crisis. In many situations, once a lay person has been a “listening ear” to the person in crisis, it is best to refer the person to other more professional services in order for the person to receive real help.

Let the person in crisis tell his or her story. People often feel better if they can tell their story and know they have been heard. Be an active listener. Show understanding by asking questions and/or repeating back what they just said. Be alert for certain words and phrases that might indicate a person is in profound distress and might be considering suicide because of the crisis. Statements such as "This is hopeless" or "My life is over" may be indications of serious danger. If the person seems to be considering suicide, be very direct about it. Ask them outright if they are planning to hurt themselves. Though this may feel awkward, if it saves the person’s life, it is worth the awkward feelings.

Offer hope without misleading the person. If it is a situation which the lay person is experienced in handling, say something based on past experience about the likelihood of a positive outcome. Or if some of the training that has been previously taken included some factual information about such situations, offer that information as a way to bring hope into the crisis. Such statements let the person in crisis know the odds are on their side. But such statements also acknowledge that the situation may not be resolved the way everyone wants it to be. Offer hope, but do not make up stories or statistics that are not factual or that provide false hope. Otherwise more harm than good might be caused if a worst case scenario happens. It is important to avoid a response that blames the person for what happened.

Once enough information has been gathered, help the person in crisis explore his or her options by developing an action plan for what to do next. After the situation is under control, formulate a plan for moving forward and finding a solution that will help the person get through the short-term state of a crisis.

After the immediate crisis has passed, contact legal authorities or other agencies if required. Make a follow up visit or phone call to the distressed person within 24 hours. Make a written record of the situation and how it was responded to. Keep that record on file in case the situation comes up again or if legalities regarding the crisis develop.

Responding to a crisis is never easy. But Christians must be there for each other, especially in times of crisis. Lay people willing to seek advance training and follow the steps outlined above can be a calm presence in the midst of crisis situations that may erupt in the lives of church members.

This is an excerpt from the book, Developing Leadership Teams in the Bivocational Church,

published by CrossBooks, a division of Lifeway. The book contains six easy to use lessons to train lay people to assist their pastor in ministry.

Keys to an Effective Hospital Visit

When people are in the hospital, they are often scared, lonely, and in need of encouragement. When they receive a well timed spiritually based visit in that time of difficulty, not only does it meet their spiritual need, but a growing body of evidence also suggests that they also recover faster physically. Therefore learning how to make a good hospital visit is important for lay people who want to help their church become more effective in caring for its members.

Many lay people hesitate to make such visits because they are not sure what to say or do. By following these simple points, a visit with a hospital patient can be joyful and encouraging.

1. Do not wear cologne. Cologne can gag even healthy people and those in the hospital may be extra sensitive to smells because of the medicines they are taking.

2. Leave the gum at home. No one likes to listen to people chew and smack gum.

3. Always check with the nurse before bringing food to a patient, even if the patient asks for it. It might be a detriment to the patient’s condition if his or her diet has been restricted for medical reasons.

4. If a gift of food is taken, it is extremely rude for the person bringing the gift to eat it. Remember, it was brought for the patient and he and she cannot get any more of it once it is gone. Never eat the patient’s food from his or her tray, as the nurse may be monitoring how much has been eaten.

5. When greeting the patient, if it is physically feasible, take his or her hand gently. When people do not feel well, they often do not want to be hugged, especially if they have had surgery.

6. Be polite and stand if there are not enough chairs. Remember, the visit will only last a short time.

7. Never sit on the bed; it cramps the patient. If there is a second bed in the room, do not sit on it, even if it is not being used. The staff may have it ready for a new patient and may not have time to freshen it up before a new patient needs it.

8. Talk audibly, not too softly or too loudly. Increase volume if the patient does not seem to be able to hear while remaining mindful of other patients in the room. Sometimes, when people are sick, their minds are a bit fuzzy from pills and pain, so their hearing may be less sharp than normal.

9. Only stay a few minutes. The point of the visit is to wish the patient well, not to spend a long period of time with him or her. Extended visits often tire a patient more than he or she realizes.

10. If a gift is taken, make sure the gift is appropriate for the situation. For example, if the patient has just had eye surgery, then he or she will not be able to read a book.

11. Only talk about happy situations, not about bad news. Never talk about one’s own past illnesses or operations.

12. If there are relatives present, say a quick hello, leave your gift, wish the patient a speedy recovery, and then leave. The relatives will want quality time and privacy with the patient. Sometimes they come from quite a distance and may not be able to come back soon, but a local person from church can always return at a later time.

13. If either the nurse or doctor enters the room to do something for the patient, be polite and leave the room while they are attending the patient. Do this even if the patient says it is okay for you stay.

14. If the patient wants to go for a walk, check with the nurse first. The same would be true if the patient asks for assistance in getting out of bed or in using the bathroom.

15. If the visitor does not know how to respond to something the patient says, sometimes it is better to say nothing at all. Just express concern, offer a prayer, and graciously make a polite departure.

16. Remember that patients are in the hospital because they are sick. Use common sense, smile, and be positive during the visit. If the visitor becomes upset, they should excuse themselves until they can regain control of their own emotions. Be aware that conversations in the hall can be overheard. The whole point of visiting patients in the hospital is to cheer them up. So do not do anything to make the situation tenser than it already is.

17. Every hospital has guidelines they ask visitors to follow. Those guidelines have been put in place for safety reasons. Please be respectful of them.

18. Remember to maintain the confidentiality of those who have been visited. Do not share details of their situation without permission. Do not speculate about their future with others at church.

By following these simply guidelines, lay people can make a positive spiritually based visit to someone in the church. Such a visit can be a great encouragement to a person in the hospital.
____________________________
These ideas have been adapted from a chapter in the book, Developing Leadership Teams in the

Bivocational Church. Though it was written to help bivocational pastors train leaders to work with them, many fully funded pastors and many lay people are finding it equally helpful to their own ministries.

Teaching Lay People How to Make Pastoral Visits

Many pastors who are fully-funded take time each day to make rounds to the hospital or to the homes of church members to provide pastoral care. Pastors who are bivocational, which means they work a job in addition to serving the church, have much less time to devote to pastoral care. This does not mean that bivocational pastors care less than fully-funded pastors, it is simply a reality of the amount of time bivocational pastors have available due to their other jobs. When a church has a bivocational pastor, it is vital that lay people assume some of the responsibilities for pastoral care; otherwise this important ministry may be unintentionally neglected.

Lay people may feel intimidated about providing pastoral care to their fellow church members. But pastoral care is not as complicated as it may seem. Lay people can be trained to offer pastoral care effectively. There is a difference between a friendly visit and real pastoral care. In order to make effective pastoral care visits, lay people should follow these simple tips:

1. Focus on the person being visited, not our own stories or history of similar situations.

2. Keep the visit short. The visit should be a maximum of ten minutes unless it is a life threatening situation or the person clearly does not want you to leave.

3. Read a short scripture that is appropriate to the situation. Consider purchasing a Minister’s Manual or the Bible Promise Book that has appropriate scriptures organized in categories for easy use.

4. Ask if there is anything the person needs done. It is important to follow up on this need. If the person asks for something that is not feasible, it is better to tell them so and ask if there is anything else that can be done instead. Otherwise it might create a false sense of hope, which can cause greater problems later.

5. Close the visit with a short prayer for the person and the situation.

Adapted from the book, Developing Leadership Teams in the Bivocational Church. The book

contains six easy to use lessons to teach lay people to work as a team with their pastor. Though the book is designed specifically for bivocational pastors, many fully-funded pastors are finding it equally helpful for training their lay people.

Examples of Good and Bad Hospital Visits

In a previous blog I mentioned the importance of lay people serving alongside their pastors in offering pastoral care to church members by making hospital visits to members in the congregation. While this kind of teamwork is important in churches of all sizes, it is even more vital in smaller churches where the pastors may work second jobs in addition to serving their churches. In smaller churches where pastors are likely to have additional jobs, it is unlikely that those pastors will have the time to make all the hospital visits that are needed, which is why teamwork with lay people is so important.

Though I have written about this issue before, I realize that different people learn in different ways. Therefore, I thought it would be fun to give two brief scenarios of hospital visits. They are both obviously oversimplified and a real visit would probably entail more, but I am simply trying to use these scenarios to help make some points about effective hospital visits. One scenario below demonstrates how an effective visit might look. The other demonstrates now NOT to make hospital visits. Though the two scenarios below are made up, they are based on parts of actual visits I have observed over the years. Enjoy reading it and I hope they make the points in a way that is fun to learn and easy to understand.

A deacon or lay person making an effective hospital visit might have a conversation something like this.

Visitor: Hello, Brother Smith. I wanted to stop in and say hello for a minute and pray with you. Is that okay?

Patient: Yes, please do. I have been so lonely and worried while I’ve been in the hospital and I really need the prayer.

Visitor: We have been praying for you at church.

Patient: Thank you. I received the lovely flowers from the Sunday School class, which really made my day.

Visitor: Is there anything we can do at the house for you while you are in the hospital? I can send one of the teenage boys by to cut the grass and my wife can collect the mail and newspapers for you if you would like us to.

Patient: The grass was pretty high when the ambulance brought me to the hospital. If one of the boys cut the grass, it would be wonderful. My cousin is collecting the mail and papers for me, but thanks for offering.

Visitor: Would you like me to read you a scripture before I pray for you?

Patient: Yes, that would be a blessing.

Visitor: Do you have a favorite scripture you want me to read?

Patient: I always feel comforted when I hear Psalm 23; how about that one?

Visitor: Okay, and then I’ll say a prayer for you and let you rest.

Patient: Thanks so much for coming by.


A deacon or lay person making an ineffective hospital visit might have a conversation like this.

Visitor: Hello, Brother Smith. I wanted to stop in and see if you were going to make it. I heard you were real bad off.

Patient: Ah, yes, it has been a rough few days.

Visitor: From what the ladies said at church, the doctors do not give you much hope.

Patient: Well, they have said that my chances are not as good as they had hoped.

Visitor: You know my cousin Tom had the same thing and he suffered for months and months before he finally died. But he was a Christian so we knew he went to heaven, so it was okay.

Patient: Well, I am a Christian; I came to know the Lord ten years ago, so I guess I will be okay if I do not make it.

Visitor: Well, I hope you are a Christian. But if you have ever doubted it, now would be the time to make it right. Can I share the Romans Road with you?

Patient: Well, I guess, but I am kind of tired; maybe you can come back later.

Visitor: Don’t you want to hear the Gospel? It’s what you need most of all, especially if you are doubting your faith.

Patient: I do not doubt my faith, but I am worried about how my wife and kids will get by if I die.

Visitor: I am sure they can get welfare; the state will not let them starve.

Patient: Ah . . . . , well . . . ., I guess that’s reassuring. Thanks so much for coming by. I think I need to rest now.

Visitor: Okay, well, it was good to see you, and I will tell everyone all about your situation so they will know just how bad it is. That way they can pray better about it.

For further reflection: What made the first scenario more effective than the second one? Read through the second scenario again. How many things are wrong with that visit? What could have been done differently to make the second scenario more effective?

The above is an excerpt from the book, Developing Leadership Teams in the Bivocational Church, by Dr. Terry W. Dorsett. The book contains six easy to use lessons to teach lay people to work as a team with their pastor. Though the book is designed specifically for bivocational pastors, many fully funded pastors and many lay people are finding it equally helpful.

Tips for Effective Hospital Visits

When people are in the hospital, they are often scared, lonely, and in need of encouragement. When they receive a well timed spiritually based visit in that time of difficulty, not only does it meet their spiritual need, but a growing body of evidence also suggests that they also recover faster physically. Therefore learning how to make a good hospital visit is important for lay people who want to help their church become more effective in caring for its members.

Many lay people hesitate to make such visits because they are not sure what to say or do. By following these simple points, a visit with a hospital patient can be joyful and encouraging.

1. Do not wear cologne. Cologne can gag even healthy people and those in the hospital may be extra sensitive to smells because of the medicines they are taking.

2. Leave the gum at home. No one likes to listen to people chew and smack gum.

3. Always check with the nurse before bringing food to a patient, even if the patient asks for it. It might be a detriment to the patient’s condition if his or her diet has been restricted for medical reasons.

4. If a gift of food is taken, it is extremely rude for the person bringing the gift to eat it. Remember, it was brought for the patient and he and she cannot get any more of it once it is gone. Never eat the patient’s food from his or her tray, as the nurse may be monitoring how much has been eaten.

5. When greeting the patient, if it is physically feasible, take his or her hand gently. When people do not feel well, they often do not want to be hugged, especially if they have had surgery.

6. Be polite and stand if there are not enough chairs. Remember, the visit will only last a short time.

7. Never sit on the bed; it cramps the patient. If there is a second bed in the room, do not sit on it, even if it is not being used. The staff may have it ready for a new patient and may not have time to freshen it up before a new patient needs it.

8. Talk audibly, not too softly or too loudly. Increase volume if the patient does not seem to be able to hear while remaining mindful of other patients in the room. Sometimes, when people are sick, their minds are a bit fuzzy from pills and pain, so their hearing may be less sharp than normal.

9. Only stay a few minutes. The point of the visit is to wish the patient well, not to spend a long period of time with him or her. Extended visits often tire a patient more than he or she realizes.

10. If a gift is taken, make sure the gift is appropriate for the situation. For example, if the patient has just had eye surgery, then he or she will not be able to read a book.

11. Only talk about happy situations, not about bad news. Never talk about one’s own past illnesses or operations.

12. If there are relatives present, say a quick hello, leave your gift, wish the patient a speedy recovery, and then leave. The relatives will want quality time and privacy with the patient. Sometimes they come from quite a distance and may not be able to come back soon, but a local person from church can always return at a later time.

13. If either the nurse or doctor enters the room to do something for the patient, be polite and leave the room while they are attending the patient. Do this even if the patient says it is okay for you stay.

14. If the patient wants to go for a walk, check with the nurse first. The same would be true if the patient asks for assistance in getting out of bed or in using the bathroom.

15. If the visitor does not know how to respond to something the patient says, sometimes it is better to say nothing at all. Just express concern, offer a prayer, and graciously make a polite departure.

16. Remember that patients are in the hospital because they are sick. Use common sense, smile, and be positive during the visit. If the visitor becomes upset, they should excuse themselves until they can regain control of their own emotions. Be aware that conversations in the hall can be overheard. The whole point of visiting patients in the hospital is to cheer them up. So do not do anything to make the situation tenser than it already is.

17. Every hospital has guidelines they ask visitors to follow. Those guidelines have been put in place for safety reasons. Please be respectful of them.

18. Remember to maintain the confidentiality of those who have been visited. Do not share details of their situation without permission. Do not speculate about their future with others at church.

By following these simply guidelines, lay people can make a positive spiritually based visit to someone in the church. Such a visit can be a great encouragement to a person in the hospital.
____________________________
These ideas have been adapted from a chapter in the book, Developing Leadership Teams in the Bivocational Church. Though it was written to help bivocational pastors train leaders to work with them, many fully funded pastors and many lay people are finding it equally helpful to their own ministries.

Dealing with Church Visitation Disasters

In an earlier post I wrote about how to avoid visitation disasters. The techniques I outlined in that post can significantly lower the potential for a visitation disaster. However, there is no way to completely eliminate the possibility. If a pastor or lay person makes regular visits to members of the congregation, a visit will eventually go bad. When a visit turns into something negative, we should be ready to navigate through the situation so we can steer people back toward positive thinking. If a visit does turn into a disaster, here are some steps to follow in order to make the best of a bad situation:

1. Stay as calm as possible. Remember, the Holy Spirit knew this situation would happen and yet He sent us on the visit anyway. Trust the Holy Spirit for wisdom to get through the situation.

2. Make a written record of what happened as soon as possible while we still remember the details. Though it is possible we will never show this record to anyone else, writing it down will help us sort it out in our own minds. In the unlikely event we need to remember the exact details at some point in the future, we will be glad we have this written record.

3. Talk to the appropriate church leadership to apprise them of the situation. They are most likely going to hear about it eventually anyway, so get the awkward conversation out of the way as soon as possible. The leaders will respect us more for being up front instead of trying to hide what happened.

4. Be prepared to admit, and correct, any part we played in creating the negative situation. Even if we are only partially at fault, we should be willing to admit to that part. If we are the primary cause of the negative situation, we must be willing to admit that as well.

5. Pray for the grace and mercy of God to be active in the situation. Many times prayer changes the situation. When prayer is involved, disasters do not seem as dark as they did when they first happened. Often the Lord begins to calm everyone’s nerves as time passes.

6. Make a follow up contact in a timely way to help remove relational barriers. Be honest and tell the person we are sorry the situation turned out the way it did. Try to reach out and show kindness to them. Even if they are unwilling to accept the apology or kindness at the present moment, in time, they may have a change of heart and we want to have already done our part to resolve the situation.

No one likes a visit that turns negative. But the reality is that it is impossible to keep every visit positive. Even in less than positive situations, it is possible to have a positive long term outcomes. Following the steps above is one way to navigate the path back to a positive position after a difficult visit.

This is an excerpt from the book, Developing Leadership Teams in the Bivocational Church, published by CrossBooks, a division of Lifeway. The book contains six easy to use lessons to help empower the laity to assist their pastor in serving the needs of the congregation.

Lay People Responding to a Crisis in the Church

Large churches often have multiple staff members who may be on call and able to respond to any manner of crisis that may occur in a church. Smaller churches seldom have that luxury. In churches where the pastor works a second job in addition to the church, even the pastor may not be immediately available during a crisis situation. Therefore, lay people in the church may be called upon to respond to a crisis in the congregation. Such situations often have a high level of confusion and anxiety revolving around them. There is no real time to prepare one’s thoughts on how to deal with the situation, so the lay people who respond should simply seek to bring a sense of calmness to what may be a chaotic situation.

In such situations, it is important to realize that people who feel overwhelmed with a crisis may turn to a lay person at church because they do not know who else to call. The lay person may not be the person they should have called, but once the call is made, a caring Christian should respond the best way they know how. There are some things lay people can do in advance to prepare to respond to a crisis in the congregation, such as take whatever crisis training may be available in the community. Schools, hospitals and other organizations often provide training in how to deal with issues such as domestic abuse, first aid, suicide intervention, disaster relief, sexual assault, and grief counseling. Sign up for which ever courses seem most suitable and learn as much as possible about how to deal with these issues.

When first learning of the crisis, attempt to establish a rapport with the person in crisis. A crisis makes a person feel like no one can understand why he or she is upset, which in turn makes him or her more upset. To defeat this cycle, it is important to win the person's trust. Never tell someone in crisis how to feel. Instead validate their feelings by saying something like: “I might feel that way too if I were in your situation.” Speak in a calm, even voice, which is not always easy if someone is angry or screaming. Stay focused, remember whatever training has been taken, and seek to be a source of calmness in the midst of the crisis. In many situations, once a lay person has been a “listening ear” to the person in crisis, it is best to refer the person to other more professional services in order for the person to receive real help.

Let the person in crisis tell his or her story. People often feel better if they can tell their story and know they have been heard. Be an active listener. Show understanding by asking questions and/or repeating back what they just said. Be alert for certain words and phrases that might indicate a person is in profound distress and might be considering suicide because of the crisis. Statements such as "This is hopeless" or "My life is over" may be indications of serious danger. If the person seems to be considering suicide, be very direct about it. Ask them outright if they are planning to hurt themselves. Though this may feel awkward, if it saves the person’s life, it is worth the awkward feelings.

Offer hope without misleading the person. If it is a situation which the lay person is experienced in handling, say something based on past experience about the likelihood of a positive outcome. Or if some of the training that has been previously taken included some factual information about such situations, offer that information as a way to bring hope into the crisis. Such statements let the person in crisis know the odds are on their side. But such statements also acknowledge that the situation may not be resolved the way everyone wants it to be. Offer hope, but do not make up stories or statistics that are not factual or that provide false hope. Otherwise more harm than good might be caused if a worst case scenario happens. It is important to avoid a response that blames the person for what happened.

Once enough information has been gathered, help the person in crisis explore his or her options by developing an action plan for what to do next. After the situation is under control, formulate a plan for moving forward and finding a solution that will help the person get through the short-term state of a crisis.

After the immediate crisis has passed, contact legal authorities or other agencies if required. Make a follow up visit or phone call to the distressed person within 24 hours. Make a written record of the situation and how it was responded to. Keep that record on file in case the situation comes up again or if legalities regarding the crisis develop.

Responding to a crisis is never easy. But Christians must be there for each other, especially in times of crisis. Lay people willing to seek advance training and follow the steps outlined above can be a calm presence in the midst of crisis situations that may erupt in the lives of church members.

This is an excerpt from the book, Developing Leadership Teams in the Bivocational Church, published by CrossBooks, a division of Lifeway. The book contains six easy to use lessons to train lay people to assist their pastor in ministry.

Avoiding Visitation Disasters

When people are going through difficult times, they often appreciate a visit from a pastor, deacon or Christian friend that offers prayer and support. There are some practical things that a lay person can do to help those visits go better.  Unfortunately, no matter how much a pastor or lay person prepares for a visit to a member of the congregation and no matter how experienced a pastor or lay person may be at making such visits, eventually a visit will go poorly. Hopefully, this will not happen often, but it will happen from time to time. How the pastor or lay person responds in these rare, but awkward, moments will determine if the visit escalates into a disastrous situation or not. Visitation disasters take a tremendous amount of time and energy to repair relationally and spiritually, therefore they should be avoided if possible.

In order to avoid the prospect of a poor visit turning into a visitation disaster, consider these practical ideas regarding all ministry visits:

1. Pray before the visit starts. Release the power of the Spirit over the situation. There is great power in prayer before, during and after any visit, but especially in tense situations.

2. Know the situation before you go. This will keep you from walking into a situation that is already tense without being prepared. Sometimes when we are caught off guard by something, we say or do things that we would not have otherwise done. Therefore, make a phone call or ask a couple of questions before going on the visit so everyone feels comfortable with the situation.

3. Phone in advance to state the purpose of the visit so there is no confusion. This might also be done via Facebook or text message if the person being visited uses those methods of communication regularly.

4. Arrive on time. Being early or late creates tension, which sets a negative tone from the outset of the visit.

5. Refuse to be drawn into an argument or gossip session. That is never helpful in a pastoral visit. It can be challenging, especially if the person is really upset about something. But getting into an argument on a visit is a quick route to disaster.

6. Take your Bible and other appropriate literature. If the visit begins to turn negative, open the Bible and read an appropriate passage as a way to stop the flow of negativity. Just as there is power in prayer, there is also power in the Word of God. Do not be afraid to use that power, it is one of our greatest tools in ministry.

7. Take someone with you; it is rarely a good idea to visit alone. This is especially important if you are visiting the home of a person of the opposite sex or a minor. Not only does having a second person along keep everyone involved safe, it also provides an extra set of eyes and ears to be alert to things that may happen in the visit that have the potential to become negative.

8. Accept, but do not expect, hospitality, such as a cup of tea. Otherwise you might offend the person who may have planned in advance to serve something to you. This is especially true in certain cultures, so be mindful of this when visiting an ethnic group for which hospitality is a big part of their culture.

9. Introduce yourself to those present whom you do not know so that you do not come off as rude or aloof. Sometimes we falsely assume that everyone present remembers who we are and that can be awkward as the conversation unfolds and the whole time they are trying to remember our names.

10. Take care of your personal needs before the visit (bathroom, etc.).

11. Be non-judgmental in all situations, but do not imply affirmation of all things. The person being visited may share a story or say something that we find inappropriate. It is fine to re-direct the conversation, but it is not the time for a sermon on what they should or should not say or do. Remember that one purpose for a visit is to learn what is going on in people's lives. If we respond negatively to everything they say, they will quickly shut down and we will not be able to learn much. On the other hand, we do not want them to think that we agree with everything that is said in the visit. We might say something like, "Thank you for sharing your opinion on that issue, it helps me see your perspective, and since I see that issue differently, it is good for me to understand how you feel about it."

12. Know your limitations. Do not intentionally get into situations you are not equipped to handle. Capitalize on your strengths. This is why lay people should work as a team with the pastor and other church leaders. Each person is good at something, so focus on what you are good at.

This material was adapted from the book “Developing Leadership Teams in the Bivocational Church.”

How to Make Pastoral Visits as a Lay Person

Many of us can recall a time when a minister visited us at a crucial point in our lives. Perhaps we were in the hospital, or perhaps had just lost a loved one, but in a moment of need, a pastor was there to comfort us and pray with us.

When a pastor makes such a visit in a time of need, it is called “pastoral care.” The main difference between a pastoral care visit and just a visit from a friend is that a pastoral care visit includes spiritual aspects. A mere “friendly” visit may involve discussion about family, or the weather, or who won the ball game. A pastoral care visit may discuss those kinds of things, but will also include scripture reading and prayer and/or other encouraging spiritual aspects.

Many pastors who are fully-funded take time each day to make rounds to the hospital or to the homes of church members to provide pastoral care. Pastors who are bivocational, which means they work a job in addition to serving the church, have much less time to devote to pastoral care. This does not mean that bivocational pastors care less than fully-funded pastors, it is simply a reality of the amount of time bivocational pastors have available due to their other jobs. When a church has a bivocational pastor, it is vital that lay people assume some of the responsibilities for pastoral care; otherwise this important ministry may be unintentionally neglected.

Lay people may feel intimidated about providing pastoral care to their fellow church members. But pastoral care is not as complicated as it may seem. Lay people can be trained to offer pastoral care effectively. In order to make effective pastoral care visits, lay people should follow these simple tips:

1. Focus on the person being visited, not our own stories or history of similar situations.

2. Keep the visit short. The visit should be a maximum of ten minutes unless it is a life threatening situation or the person clearly does not want you to leave.

3. Read a short scripture that is appropriate to the situation. Consider purchasing a Minister’s Manual or the Bible Promise Book that has appropriate scriptures organized in categories for easy use.

4. Ask if there is anything the person needs done. It is important to follow up on this need. If the person asks for something that is not feasible, it is better to tell them so and ask if there is anything else that can be done instead. Otherwise it might create a false sense of hope, which can cause greater problems later.

5. Close the visit with a short prayer for the person and the situation.

Adapted from the book, Developing Leadership Teams in the Bivocational Church. The book contains six easy to use lessons to teach lay people to work as a team with their pastor. Though the book is designed specifically for bivocational pastors, many fully-funded pastors are finding it equally helpful for training their lay people.

How to Make an Effective Visit to a Person Who Has Been Absent From Church

People go through phases in life. Sometimes they are very faithful in their church attendance. Other times they are less faithful. When people go through a phase in life that causes them to stray from church, they often do not realize how much time has elapsed since they last attended. The phase might have started as a short absence due to an illness, or perhaps a change in work schedule, but the more time that goes by, the easier it is for a short-term absentee to become a long-term absentee. A well timed and uplifting visit from a caring deacon or other lay person can help absentees know they are missed and encourage them to return to church.

Before going to visit an absentee, we should first pray to the Lord for wisdom to respond to whatever reason he or she may offer for why the extended absentee has occurred. We should also pray that the individual will receive the visit with joy instead of embarrassment.

Make an appointment if the visit will be at the person’s home, few people like someone to drop by unannounced. In some situations, it might be appropriate to stop by their place of employment instead of their home. However, this really depends on the policies of their employer. Make sure not to create a situation that will cause the person difficulties with their supervisor. If the person making the visit is sensitive to the Spirit, it is also possible to turn a causal encounter with an absentee in the community into an opportunity for a kind invitation for them to return to church.

Remember that the primary motive for speaking to an absentee is to express concern and let them know they have been missed at church. Though difficult issues may come up in the conversation, the primary motive is not to correct the person or address some controversial issue. If significant issues come up about why they have not been in church, schedule a longer period of time at some later date to discuss those issues with the person instead of making the initial contact long and protracted. The obvious exception would be if they have mentioned in advance that they have a significant issue they want to talk about specifically.

Sometimes it is better to invite an absentee to lunch first, or to attend a concert or play together, and just reconnect with them on a personal level first. Then a second contact can be made letting them know how much they have been missed at church. Never condemn people for not coming to church. They may have a legitimate reason for not coming. The goal should be to find out what that reason is and see if it can be resolved.

During the visit seek to answer any questions that may come up. Perhaps something happened during a worship service that they did not understand  which made them hesitant to come.

Offer to sit with them when they come back to church. They may feel less self-conscious than just showing up after a long absence and sitting alone. Encourage others to warmly welcome the person back when he or she arrives.

Be persistent. Many people have filled their lives with other things and it may take time for them to readjust their schedule enough to find time to come back to church. Others have significant emotional or spiritual baggage they are dealing with and it may take a while for them to work through it and be comfortable coming to church. Extend repeated invitations over a period of time without being pushy at any particular point.

Perhaps most important, remain friends whether they return to church or not. Since people go through phases in life, they may not yet be ready to return to church. When they are ready, they will remember who showed real friendship to them. When the time is right absentees will return to church.

This is an excerpt from the book, Developing Leadership Teams in the Bivocational Church, published by CrossBooks, a division of Lifeway. The book contains six easy to use lessons to train lay people to assist their pastor in ministry.