Monday, July 12, 2010

We Say We Do Not Want To Be Judged, But Secretly We Do

Over the past few months a number of my friends have revealed some pretty heavy stuff about themselves on Facebook. Many of the things revealed were not exactly positive. It always amazes me what people will reveal about their poor behavior in a public forum such as Facebook. Though I try to think positively about my friends, it is hard sometimes when people produce a steady barrage of posts about their unhealthy activities. It is even harder when they also feel compelled to lecture everyone about judging them for their bad behavior.

My advice is that if we do not want people to think badly of us, then we should not tell the world about all our bad decisions. If a person tells everyone about his or her multiple sexual partners, they should not be upset if people conclude that the individual may have a morality problem. If a person tells everyone about his or her substance abuse at countless parties, that person should not be upset if others conclude that the person may have an addiction. If a person posts vicious rants about his or her parents, or ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, teachers, co-workers, etc, that person should not be upset if others conclude that the person might have an anger management problem. Giving people lectures about not judging is pointless if by our own admission we are indeed guilty of doing bad things.

The other day some friends and I were discussing why people would post such negative things about themselves and then ask people not to judge them. Some people are probably looking for acceptance of their poor behavior in hopes that such acceptance will make them feel better. It never does.

But I think that in some weird twisted way, some people are actually hoping they will get judged by others for their bad behavior. Why would they want to be judged? Judgment has become the ultimate "sin" of our society. If someone judges another person then the person being judged can justify attacking the person who judges them. By attacking the person who does the judging, it distracts people from realizing that the judgment is in fact correct because person is indeed guilty.

In our mixed up culture, other people will jump on the bandwagon and also attack the "judge." By attacking the judge, who in reality is simply stating what most people already know, we feel we do not have to deal with our own problems. It becomes the ultimate blame shift game. We make bad choices. We tell the world about them. The world points out that they were indeed bad choices. Then we attack people for pointing out the obvious as a way to not have to deal with the original issue.

The problem with all of this blame shifting is that it does not solve the root problem, which is our bad behavior. Perhaps we need to learn not only to stop posting comments on Facebook about our poor behavior; perhaps we should STOP taking part in the bad behavior to begin with! Then there would be nothing to judge us about anyway. I am reminded of the truth found in First Corinthians 11:31, "But if we judged ourselves, we would not come under judgment." Instead of being angry at others for pointing out the truth, instead, let us examine ourselves and work on our issues. Then we can become the people we always wanted to be anyway.


  1. Wow, you hit the nail on the head with that one. Not sure I like it, not sure at all. Especially since it is so true.

  2. You know that someone is going to judge you for daring to write about judgement, don't you?

  3. very good and so true. The turth hurts sometimes.

  4. Susan Van DuesenJuly 14, 2010 at 8:30 AM

    But if we judged ourselves, we would not come under judgment." (1 Cor. 11:31) I love this scripture you included in this blog entry. I see the same thing on my facebook page... sad business.

  5. Wow, I think you and I could be best friends . . . definitely think a lot alike. I contend that deep down even most non-Christians have some sense of right and wrong. Sometimes it takes someone caring enough to 'judge' them to ultimately build a relationship. Of course, we all have to make sure that the life we're living matches whatever good words or Scriptures we pull out of the hat. That's where the rubber meets the road!

  6. I think that the whole "Don't judge me" mentality is very naive. Like you pointed out, people want and need judgment from others. This is the basic building block of any socialization process: I say or do something and the existent social rules enforced by others, evaluate whether my words/actions are appropriate or inappropriate.

    I love when people say, "Well, this is just my opinion (or the way I choose to live me life). And I am entitled to my opinion, so do not judge me." My response, "You are welcome to your opinion and I am welcome to show you how your opinion may not be the best choice or even true for that matter."

    We need to speak truth in love, into our friends' and families' lives.

  7. Every action we commit also includes a responsibility. We are entitled to our opinion but we have a responsibility to have a basis for our opinion. When someone shares an opinion at a meeting I stop and ask them to share the foundation or logic of that opinion.

  8. We want the approval of others, not necessarily their "judgment", especially when it is negative.