Recently I was visiting a church that has a well-established
Howdy Doody time. As the regular members of the congregation greeted each other
warmly, my wife and I were left standing there awkwardly. The pastor gave us
the required hand shake and “glad you are here” greeting before he rushed off
to have a more in depth conversation with someone else. As the congregation
continued to hug each other and talk about ball games and vacations all around
us, there we stood, wondering what to do next. I noticed another person also
standing awkwardly alone a few rows up. So I took it upon myself to go greet
him. He seemed relieved that someone finally broke the awkwardness. As we
exchanged pleasantries, I learned he too was a visitor, from the next town,
having recently retired to the area. And so we awkward visitors had a bit of a
chuckle and were relieved when the worship service finally resumed.
Though the church may have thought that Howdy Doody time was
displaying warmth and kindness to their visitors, in fact, they were proving
that they were a closed group that left visitors on the outside. Even in
churches where someone has trained the regular attendees to greet the visitors,
in my experience, it is most often a stiff greeting with a limp handshake before
they rush off to have a more animated conversation with someone they know. In
the hundreds of churches I have visited during my nearly 20 years of
denominational service, I do not recall a single Howdy Doody time that was actually
warm and friendly to visitors. Perhaps there is such a church out there, but I
have yet to visit it.
Perhaps it is time to re-evaluate if this is something that churches
need to continue to do. Perhaps it is better to train our congregation to show
real interest to visitors before, or after, the worship service. Perhaps
engaging visitors in real conversation might be more effective than the limp
handshakes and awkward greetings. Perhaps it is time to retire Howdy Doody
time.
Dr. Terry W. Dorsett is a church planter in New England. He also writes books and leads seminars on how to help churches be more effective in their ministries. Check out his resources at:
http://www.amazon.com/Dr.-Terry-W.-Dorsett/e/B00405U4NY/
Dr. Terry W. Dorsett is a church planter in New England. He also writes books and leads seminars on how to help churches be more effective in their ministries. Check out his resources at:
http://www.amazon.com/Dr.-Terry-W.-Dorsett/e/B00405U4NY/
I'm all for retiring this practice, especially in larger churches. In smaller churches people are more often aware of who is visiting and speaking to that person, but in a big church, people greet their friends and don't realize visitors are right next to them. It's a very awkward time indeed.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this, Terry! I've been in too many of our churches when this time that could be a brief greeting for guests becomes an extended fellowship time for everyone else...very awkward, not worshipful, and discouraging for any guest present.
ReplyDeleteThanks for putting these thoughts together so succinctly. Old habits die hard.
ReplyDeleteSusan, Bob and Matthew,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your thoughts. Old habits do die hard but we have to make people at least think about such things.
You are so right that it hurts! I will have to say that Hispanics go out of their way to greet an Anglo visitor. Their English may be faltering or non-existent, but the greeting is sincere.
ReplyDeleteHave been in and been a pastor of many churches that did this, we do not do this. I too, was in a church where my family and I were left standing without even a handshake.
ReplyDeleteWe do not do that to our guest. We make them feel welcome before and after service but do not do this. I feel it makes them feel awkward and will not put them through it. Our regulars make them fell welcome before and after the service as welll.
The problem seems to be that the congregations have lost the purpose of the greeting time. Our church has a greeting time and our people bend over backwards to speak to visitors. When I visit with new visitors they comment on how warm and friendly our church is. We are a relatively small church (130 in attendance on average). We will continue with the practice. If your church is closed and unfriendly having a "howdy-doody time" will not help, but it can be an opportunity to be warm and friendly (even if you're not Hispanic)
ReplyDeleteDaniel,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing. I totally understand.
Randy,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your perspective. You are one of the few churches doing it right. And you are correct, if you are a cold church, having a greeting time will not help.
Terry
Although I'm an extrovert and a small church guy, and many of my churches in rural mountain Maryland & West Virginia have this practice, I dislike it very much. All too often, I've had the very same experience you had...feeling I needed to rescue a fellow visitor who stood awkwardly by himself. I'd love to have this same spirit of greeting going on BEFORE the first song or prayer, and would gladly delay the start time of the service in order for this to happen, unannounced. Maybe I'm too much of a "showman wannabe", but, once the service has started, I don't care for "breaking it up"(as I see it) by doing this, in the middle of things. Admittedly, as I look around, it seems that many(not all) of the home folks enjoy doing this howdy doody time. Good description...HD was, after all, just a wooden puppet.
ReplyDeleteI was a visitor for such a time this morning ... was AWKWARD for me as the guest preacher.
ReplyDeleteIt's a great way to greet other members of the club.
ReplyDeleteKirby,
ReplyDeleteDo I detect just a tiny bit of sarcasm in that comment? LOL!
Terry
Sam,
ReplyDeleteSorry you had to experience that.
Terry
Randy . . . We are an even smaller church [40 in attendance] & our visitors tell us they like the greeting time. We also have a fellowship time of coffee & such immediately after the service in the rear of our worship space & the greeting is a great time to say "We'll talk more after the service." We have worked to avoid the very real issues Terry mentions here & in Howdy Doody Part 2. Our greeting time is prefaced by a gentle "Let's greet each other & tell the people around you how glad you are they're here with you today to worship the King of King's & Lord of Lords" . . . The end of our greeting time is signaled by our pianist beginning to play & our worship leader saying "As we make our way back to our seats would you join me in singing [insert next song tile here]" . . . As our church grows bigger we may have to make some adjustments to how we greet but it is certainly important to think about these things in advance to avoid the pitfalls. Thanks Terry for broaching this "delicate" subject.
ReplyDeleteMike,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing tips on how you have made your fellowship time more effective than most. Those who really want to keep this as a part of their worship should try Mike's tips to see if they will work in your context.
Terry
Thanks for the Howdy Doody blog. I have been thinking the same thing for quite some time but I couldn't put exactly how I felt about it into words. I have noticed the exact same thing at our church. Getting rid of the stupid thing is another obstacle. Just as you said our folks feel we are the friendliest around so getting rid of it is going to be a challenge. Thanks
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing my friend. I am praying for you.
ReplyDeleteReally agree with you on this one Terry (not that I don't agree on others :) ). I have NEVER felt welcomed or at ease when this happens during the service. I think there is an even greater problem and that is the purpose of the worship service is honoring God - yet all the beginning work the worship team does is gone in a moment as we focus on ourselves and our relationships. I think these relationships are invaluable but save them for the end of the service and stick around some! (or have everyone come early and get it out of them - Gordy says 80-90% of his group comes early! That doesn't happen here!)
ReplyDeleteThanks Neal. good ways to make it work.
ReplyDelete