Some time ago a friend of mine was highly offended by a joke
someone told which they were convinced was aimed at them. The joke was made by
a person leading a meeting. There were dozens of people in the room, but the
person who was offended was 100% positive that the joke was pointed
specifically at them. I was a bit confused because I did not see any connection
between the joke and the offended person. Clearly the joker had not intended
the joke to be aimed at anyone. But to the person who was upset, it was
obviously all about them.
Then there was the time that someone in the youth group put
a movie quote on Facebook as their status, and half a dozen people were sure it
was some kind of veiled jab at them. It wasn't. It was just a really cool quote
from a movie the person had seen earlier in the day. But to those half dozen people, it was obviously all about them.
It seems that people are more easily offended now than ever
before. Our culture has somehow created a hyper-sensitive emotional state where
everyone is convinced that the world is out to get them.
Perhaps it is a result of low self-esteem. We feel bad about
ourselves; therefore we think others feel bad about us too. Since we think that
everything feels bad about us, then we interpret anything they say or do as a
"bad" intention toward us. Or perhaps it is a result of arrogance. We
think the entire world revolves around us, so therefore everything everyone
does or says must be about us too. In reality, most people are not paying
attention to most of what we say or do, and the world does not revolve around
us, but in our arrogance we often think it does.
Whether from low self-esteem or from high levels of
arrogance, someone how our culture has convinced us everything is about us. Once
we get angry and upset about one "offense" that someone did to us, we
transfer that anger over into other relational experiences as well. Instead of
finding joy in our relationships, we just find pain and hurt. This causes us to
end friendships that are really important to us, which just brings more pain
and hurt. Or keeps us from allowing our friendships to become as deep as they
need to be, which also bring pain and hurt. The end result is that we spend a
lot of time angry and upset about stuff that often only exists in our own mind
and engaging in relational sabotage that only starts the cycle all over again.
News flash, the world does not revolve around any particular
one of us! People do not really sit around dreaming up ways to hurt us. People
are too busy trying to make a living, trying to pass math class, trying to find
a job or be a better parent to spend time being obsessed with offending us. The
only person obsessed with us, is US. It is time we learn to relax a little and
stop creating drama that does not exist. We will all be a lot happier if we
stop taking everything everyone says or does personally.
It's not all about us. And that's a good thing.
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Dr. Terry W. Dorsett has been a pastor, church planter, denominational leader and author in New England for more than 20 years. He is a happy husband, a proud father and adoring grandfather. He is a cancer survivor and believes that God works powerfully through times of suffering. He has written a book about the spirit of offense that prevails in our current society. You can find all of his books at:
I am offended by your post it must be about me. ��
ReplyDeleteFunny Jane!
DeleteTerry. I agree totally. One could get a bit frightened over saying anything for fear that someone will get offended, as you say. Crazy, even when you try to explain that it isn't directed at them.
ReplyDeleteI know, what a sad world we live in.
DeleteIt seems every time we preach, teach, or say anything someone is offended. I think it was Sinefield who said he would no longer do comedy on collage campuses because everyone was offended. We are a generation that needs to get over itself.
ReplyDeleteAmen, this generation most surely needs to get over ourselves.
DeleteIt seems logical to me on such a offended sesitive culture, which is a logical mature stage of postmodernism. Very good and simple write up.
ReplyDeleteYes, we are reaping exactly what our postmodern culture has sown, and it is a sad reaping indeed.
DeleteI don't know why you had to pick on me and print that article. Just kidding! We need to stop thinking so much about our selves and start spending more time focusing on Jesus and the Bible, maybe then we won't have time to be offended about anything and everything.
ReplyDeleteI agree that if we focused more on Jesus and less on self, things would be much better.
DeleteGood job brother! . . . That wasn't offensive was it, using a gender specific relational term? . . . LOL . . .
ReplyDelete